A day in a life…parenting Autism Obsessions

Fascinations and obsessions.

Well… most of us have something or other and others may have more and respond to them in a deep way. Not everyone on the Autistic spectrum have these but from my experience, many do, in one way or another. Not all of them will result in a new invention but some people just need to have something. I can be quite obsessive about underwear. I like to match what I’m wearing underneath with the colours I have on top. I know it’s very bizarre especially because only two people are likely to see it, MrJK and… errr me! People might start watching what I’m wearing and imagine what I have on underneath… Don’t do it! It won’t be straightforward.
This morning JJ called me to tell me that Nae-Nae was watching something inappropriate on her IPad. He was a bit concerned about it because he feared that she would recreate it in the car with his friend present because she usually recites things on our journey to school.
Nae-Nae was watching a really vulgar video on burping. People were doing everything they could to burp as loud and as long as possible. I went over and just walked away again. JJ was horrified by my reaction but I have learnt to pick my battles now. I explained that this is her, she will move onto another thing soon and watch that for a while and then come back. No matter what we say she needs to do it. She will watch it in secret if I try to forbid her so better that I just keep an eye on things so I thanked him for telling me.
Nae-Nae has a thing about needing to watch certain videos while eating breakfast and while she is in the bath. She goes from watching Mystery diagnosis episodes to street cops to a show called Fred, Sky does minecraft, to videos whereby people have diarrhoea (I just asked her to help me spell that word for this lol), or being sick or farting or burping to Super nanny. She has a real fascination with physical health, mental health, police and behaviour. She will watch one video on rotation for days on end before she moves to another topic and then full circle she’s back.
There were times I tried to prevent the viewing of certain things but I’m a little more relaxed about it. She has learnt so much about the things that interest her so although some of the things might be disturbing to others, they really aren’t to her.
Nae-Nae has found some stuff with a lot of swearing in them and I have tried to prevent that. We have spoken about it and she kind of understands why I don’t want her watching it but for some reason they interest her so when no one is looking she probably puts her headphones on and watches it on her devices. I’ve blocked what I can but some things leak through sadly.

Nae-Nae is like a walking GP’s encyclopaedia because of her obsessions. One time she even correctly diagnosed a stranger on the street. The man’s carer was shocked when she went up to her to ask whether the man had a particular thing. She confirmed it too in shock I think. Nae-Nae was only 8 or 9 years old at the time.
These obsessions have got us in some sticky situations in the past and I can laugh about some of them now. There was a time when breasts were her thing, well they still are kind of but she has learnt to be a bit more appropriate around them. When Nae-Nae was about 7/8 she would be known to just go up to women with large sizes breasts and rest her head on them and have a quick feel or squeeze.
Her TA in those days had a great sense of humour so she was never offended by the random frequent squeeze. We did the whole social story thing and eventually she didn’t stop being interested but she stopped touching other people. The day she started growing her own was comical. I could just remember her walking around cupping herself all the time.
One of JJ’s friends mum was on the receiving end of a squeeze once. It happened to be the first time we had met her too. She has great breasts so I can see why Nae-Nae was fascinated. She just reached out her hands and squeezed. I wish the floor could swallow me up that day. As for JJ, he was distraught bless him. He thought his sister had spoiled his chances of a great friendship with this boy and word would spread around the school. This never happened though and their friendship flourished.
JJ had an obsession with the colour green. Well he still does but he likes other colours now. If there was a green felt pen or colouring pencil anywhere, no one else will ever be able to touch it. JJ would hold onto it and his pictures were covered as was his hands and face. He now goes out and buys green footwear and matching green clothes and pants. A bit like my underwear thing so it could be learnt behaviour too?!

These are the things I can look back on now with a smile. However Nae-Nae’s obsession regarding allergies was a whole different story. It’s now safe to tell this tale because I am over the trauma of it and we no longer see those that were involved lol.
So Nae-Nae is obsessed with food allergies. She is not as fixated with it nowadays to the intense level that she was but it will always be of interest. She seems to be quite excited about the fact that I now have a nut allergy and with another condition I have, I’m pretty much have to avoid a long list of things and take daily medication. She loves to tell everyone with a smile on her face.
Well a year or so ago, this obsession was taken to another level. Only by God’s grace she wasn’t prosecuted…
One day her best friend mistakenly said out loud that she was allergic to mint leaves. I say mistakenly because it was a big mistake to let Nae-Nae overhear that. She was so fascinated and wondered what would happen if this child came into contact with these leaves and what the reaction would be.
For days she studied it to find out more information. We had a conversation about it and stupidly I announced that some people could die from the reaction. Now it would be a sensible thing to tell some children but not Nae-Nae. She is also fascinated by death. She likes to go to the cemetery for fun just to see who else has died since the last time we visited. I thought by telling her people could die, she would have compassion and not come up with any plans to try and test it out… wrong!!! She was so intrigued by this and her eyes lit up as she asked me if people could die from these reactions.
So the next few days Nae-Nae looked around for mint leaves wherever she went. She knew I wouldn’t buy them so she figured she would find them outside. She found a bush on her school playground with had leaves that smelt like mint. She asked me whether they were mint leaves and I said no. I told her not to go anywhere near that bush either.
Well… she probably didn’t believe me and to her that was a mint bush. The next day, dad dropped her to school because I had to go into work early. I remember that day so well. The day everything changed again! The day I received redundancy news! Anyway, I forgot to tell hubby about the so-called mint leaf bush and ensure she stays away from it before school.
Nae-Nae must have picked some leaves while her dad wasn’t watching and hid them in her school bag. At playtime, she coached her friend to follow her into the toilets. I know scream now!

She got the friend into the cubicle and locked the door as she wanted to perform a science experiment and she did not want any interruptions.
She must have taken out the leaves she had picked and tried to rub them on her friend’s face. Her friend would not comply with this obviously and screamed for help. Nae-Nae must have been so much in her zone that she didn’t pick up on the fact that her friend was afraid and she was so obsessed with her agenda that she punched and held her friend down so she could rub and wait for a reaction to see if she would die.
Thank God a teacher heard the screams and came to the rescue. Nae-Nae wouldn’t open the door for them though because according to her, she needed wait for the reaction before letting anyone in. Another teacher was called and he had to climb over to unlock the door.
You can imagine, when I received the call I cried my eyes out. All I could think about was that poor little girl being held hostage by my child who equally did not fully understand the risk or the levels of her actions. The obsessions just completely took over. Thankfully, they weren’t real mint leaves and the other little girl wasn’t badly hurt. She was Nae-Nae’s best friend so she was completely forgiving as was her mother. I did apologise to the mother though despite Nae-Nae not having a full awareness of this dangerous act. I just felt it was the right thing to do.
Nae-Nae was sent home that day for everyone’s safety. She was absolutely distraught by it. Well she told her head teacher exactly what she had done, step by step so I’m not sure they had any alternative but to act. Usually I would fight her corner but on this occasion, one I was weary from the year of trauma, then on the same morning I was told my job was no longer safe but also I thought it would be a good idea to remove Nae-Nae so she can have time to reflect and assess the day. To be sent home meant no 100% attendance so that was the worse thing for Nae-Nae but at the time it was necessary.
After that experience, she has never dreamt of doing anything like that again and somehow that memory comes back to trigger to brain when a small thought drops.
I can smile about it now but I can tell you that was one of the worse days of my life. We have got through it though like most things. We have done a lot of work around it since and Nae-Nae has grown in maturity and wisdom so she understands that acts of attempted murder isn’t the way forward. She wants to be a police officer and I often remind her that it will be quite hard to achieve that dream with a criminal record with a crime like that. Yes I sometimes use another of her obsessions on her and it works.
Throughout our journey with both children, we have recognised that trying to remove obsessions isn’t the way forward because it doesn’t work for us and it will only cause further distress to our children anyway. Instead we have learnt to tune into their obsessions and actually use them to engage them. JJ and Nae-Nae loved music when they were little to the extent that everything was used for beats and tunes. We used this to help draw out their speech. We often sang instructions to them and there was something about the tune they heard that helped them to connect and pay attention to what we were asking.
JJ was obsessed with cars when he was younger so everything we did at home to get him to learn something involved cars. Car maths, car phonics, car science, everything! Likewise with Nae-Nae who dislikes writing, if a character in the story has an allergy or within the topic there could be something gruesome she will write for days. It’s easier than you may think but we have managed to incorporate some of their obsessions in areas of life to make certain things possible.
This may sound crafty but I managed to get Nae-Nae to eat at a dining table opposed to the floor by reminding her that dust mites live in carpets and beds. To her that meant contamination so her food would be affected and she might get diarrhoea and be off school. The dining table it is lol. By any means necessary. The results will only be good for us all.
My children have amazing imaginations and these are often fuelled by their obsessive natures. As long as they aren’t harming others or themselves too much I wouldn’t stop these. It makes them who they are. Nae-Nae will probably work in the coroners office or with the police when she’s older and be the person that determines the cause of death and draw bodies with injuries. Well someone has to do it. JJ will probably draw and design a revolutionary green car or car computer game. I say crack on!
Our obsessions are an expression of ourselves and I think that is what makes us unique too. Some of us always need something to focus on. I think it helps to stimulate our brains too.
We live in an interesting world and sometimes we just have to let it be. The Almighty knows!

Peace and love

Mrs JK