Words to inspire Alphabet Advent Calendar 2212

V is for value

The dictionary states this:

Noun
1. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
2. principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.

Verb
1. estimate the monetary worth of.
2. consider (someone or something) to be important or beneficial; have a high opinion of.

I am not going to explore the monetary value of anything other than to say we as people are priceless.

Valuing myself was something I wasn’t very good at before. I didn’t know my worth so I placed little value on myself other than to be something used by others. I would accept rubbish and mediocracy in my life. I would accept treatment that wasn’t good for me or meaningful to my life.

Discovering my worth was not an easy thing to do, especially due to the years of abuse. My brain was conditioned in the way that I just did what I was told. So even when situations or people made me feel uncomfortable I didn’t escape, I just accepted that it was all I should be doing. Looking back now I think wow! That was some messed up stuff.

Thankfully there was still something in me that was wise in my decision to choose the best lifetime partner. There are lots of stories around that too but I will just say thank God for showing me what I needed then and what the woman I would become would need too.

However, like I’ve said previously, when I had children my focus was on them. I placed them high above everything. This isn’t totally a bad thing but it was to the extent that I placed little value on me again. My needs and desires were no longer important even to the extreme that I would forget to eat and I started wasting away.

When I started on the road to freedom, I began to understand my importance in this life not for other people’s gain but for God’s glory. I also acknowledged that I deserved the best. My children and hubby always looked good but I was a hot mess a lot of the time. When I started valuing myself I began to match the others and look as great.

I always shopped in particular shops for clothes for my hubby and children but I would go into a more cheaper branded shop for me. There wasn’t anything wrong with that shop but it was the fact that I didn’t think it was good enough for the others but good enough for me. Now I don’t have that mindset and if I go in any shop if it’s of value to me it’s of value to others.

I used to accept one-sided friendships whereby I was giving giving giving but I would not be benefiting. Some of them didn’t know much about what was happening for me because everything was all about them. At the time that was acceptable for me as it fed my need to be needed. I didn’t think I deserved people’s time for me and I weirdly drifted away from those that matched me on an emotional level. I have broken that nonsense now and drifted back to those that also feed my soul and I’ve found other friends who I call my sisters and brothers who are there for me as I am for them.

I also had a warped view of what was important in life and placed value on gaining worldly wealth. I didn’t think I was successful until I reached a high salary band. When I reached a high level, it still didn’t make me complete and I actually had more money than sense. I would spend money on unnecessary things. The amount of clothes we had was unreal. I still have a lot of clothes but only items that are necessary and a few things that I bought as a treat to me because I deserved it.

I don’t make half as much money as before but I’m super happy and we don’t lack any good thing. We are just more sensible with what we have and place value on being together as a family and living a purposeful life.

I’ve just spoken about placing my husband and children above me but there was also a time where I didn’t value the good people in my life. My hubby especially. I was totally complacent that he would be there regardless so I didn’t always treat him very well. I would place more value on my needy friends. I would give them my time and pretty much ignore his needs and desires to spend time with me.

I would spend hours on the phone or just jet in and out of my house at a drop of a hat because other people needed me to do things for them. He did absolutely everything around the house and worked through the night too, but I forgot about valuing his happiness and making time for us to have fun in each other’s company. I didn’t totally appreciate some of the sacrifices he made to help me shine either. Yes I deserved to be at the top of my game but not to break him down at the same time.

When I finally woke up I reassessed everything I was doing to myself and those around me that deserved the best too, things are so different. *My brothers and stepchildren look away now for the rest of the paragraph… lol.* My hubby deserves some spice in our marriage. I’ve actually bought something for Christmas Eve and Day that will bring light to his eyes. It might also make him short of breath but hey, he won’t be complaining. In a long marriage or relationship like we’ve had for 20 years, I think it’s important to show each other how much we value them. This could often get lost in the daily grind. I have some amazing friends and close family too and I’m making it my mission to show them that I truly value them. You know who you are, Thank you!!!

Some of us settle for less than the best because we don’t know how valuable we are and we don’t know our worth. We may also be satisfied with the things that aren’t good for us because we just don’t think we will get better things or deserve better things. Or we are just use to making do. Also we might not fight for the things that we want because we think there’s no point because we don’t deserve them.

MrJK is on one at the moment in terms of giving our house a facelift. There are things we have wanted to do for our house and needed to do but we hadn’t done it. It wasn’t always because we didn’t have the money but we would find other things more important when actually they weren’t. In the space of a couple of weeks our house has transformed. If anything needed fixing it’s fixed, if anything needed replacing it’s gone. Anything that I was hoarding has gone! From now on this house will have nothing but the best. It deserves it and we deserve it.

No more will I accept less for my life than what I know has its purpose. No more will I place little value on those that deserve it.
In order for me to do this I need to understand my worth always and recognise what is important and who is important.
During this reflective time of year if you have time for anything please assess your life, understand your worth, value you and those that deserve it.

Peace and love

MrsJK