Words to inspire Alphabet Advent Calendar 1312

Day 13

M is for Me

I don’t think I can emphasize this enough so I’ve decided to have a Me day.
The one person I used to struggle to love was Me. When I looked in the mirror that Me resembled so much I didn’t like. It was more about not understanding that the Almighty created Me the way I was and it was very different from other people and I didn’t always fit in so I didn’t quite see the purpose of Me.
Due to things that happened in my past, I made lots of assumptions about Me. That person was here for everyone else’s pleasure, here to please everyone else even when it was uncomfortable. That person couldn’t say No even if they really didn’t want to do something. If that person wasn’t satisfying others or doing things for others then it wasn’t Me.
It was actually quite messed up. I sabotaged Me because I didn’t understand my worth and I didn’t fully understand that I could have good things for Me and not just ensure that everyone else had good things including real love.
As a parent I thought the role of Me was to sacrifice everything just to ensure my children had everything. That wasn’t completely wrong but it wasn’t right to the lengths I went to. I took the role of a mother really seriously and due to the circumstances of life there were things in my life that I had to change when I became one. I don’t resent those decisions at all, but I took it to a real extreme level whereby I began to neglect Me and destroy Me. I remember after having lil lady I went down to a size 8. Now I had not been a size 8 at all in my adult life. I had no bum which trust me isn’t a great look on me and I actually looked unwell. I breastfed her but didn’t think it was important to feed myself. I only ate when I started to feel dizzy. As I went back to work after 6 months of having her, hubby wasn’t with me during the day to help monitor what I ate and as work was stressful I would just pick something on the go but only if I had the time. Everything else came first.
I was and still am a giver so I would give everyone my time. I would be on the phone all day everyday around work, involving myself in everyone’s lives and making sure they were ok. My phone would ring constantly in the evenings because I allowed others to believe that whatever I was doing was not important because if was just something for Me or my husband who I didn’t have high regard for either. I thought I could fix everyone’s issues and didn’t even realise that my life was crumbling around it. I don’t even think I thought about it much because I didn’t consider it as a priority.
When I look back on some of the crazy things I used to do, I actually feel quite sick. I try not to do that so much but at times it’s important to reflect in order to give thanks and praise for the journey I am now on.
One day I realised what was happening and I made some good changes, however there was one major self-sabotaging thing I continued to do. There was part of me that still wasn’t completely free of certain mindsets so I kept that thing going because it met some needs I still had. OMG the day I was set free from that, was the beginning of the deep healing process. I grieved that situation for ages but by the grace of God and help of those God sent, I was able to close that chapter. Even when it tried to poke up its ugly head again I confidently shut it down again.
I let the real Me live! At that point I was able to truly receive great love for myself. I have been married for most of my adult life but I didn’t truly accept the love that wanted to flow. I blocked it at times and did things to control it. To Me, Oh no I couldn’t have the best, that just wasn’t acceptable for Me. It’s so much different now. To God be the glory.

I realised that I deserved Me time too. Being a mum of two children with special needs is no joke but they weren’t the main cause of me not having time for me. I just filled my life with stuff, so I couldn’t make room for Me. However, one day I could see how miserable I was becoming and that had an impact on our home life too.

Hubby began to see what was happening to some degree so when I decided to start doing things for me, taking days out, going on holiday with friends etc he was so supportive. I started making Me important, I started giving Me nice things. I started setting a true example to my children. Before I was a complete hypocrite telling them to do something or be a certain way but not living that way myself.
Thankfully lil lady came on this earth with her own ideas so she never followed my bad example, but lil man started mirroring my bad behaviours which made me scream. I had to change for him too. He is still very much like Me but now he is mimicking the great Me rather than that imposter.

I still have a long way to go but this Me eats better, exercises when possible, makes room for couple time, has the ability to say no and not feel so bad, only goes to the places that she feels led, has conversations with people because she wants to and is not involved in any drama. This Me is now at the top of the priority list after God and next to my little family. This Me has lots of time to do the things I want, meets up with friends and just do things that make Me happy.
I now really really love Me! I’m so proud of Me too. I truly believe that I deserve all the great blessings I have been given and there are still loads to come. I can look at Me in the mirror and think wow what a beauty inside and out. I am Me, I can’t be anyone else but Me and I am now the best Me I have ever been and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for Me. My hubby never stopped loving Me even in my filth but I truly believe the love for this Me the real Me, flows easier.
Are you getting Me time? Are you looking after your ‘Me’? Where does your ‘Me’ sit on the priority scale? Do you love your ‘Me’? If not, I think you better fix that! I can tell you from experience, when I didn’t love Me, I accepted negative situations into my life as well as people that weren’t deserving of Me.
Not anymore! If you can’t say “I love Me.” Please do what you need to do to start changing things so those words can fit in your mouth and flow out loudly with belief.
I love Me!

Peace and love

MrsJK