The Early bird catches the best worm – Parenting Autism

So I’m not one that sleeps beyond sunrise. I think I wake up in the morning just to have a race with the sun. In the past I used to blame my children for my body clock. They were the reason I was up so early but now that doesn’t wash and it’s actually not them anymore as I’m the first one up with MrJK as close second. 4am sometimes 3am… is a time I get up and reflect without anyone calling my name. Sometimes I don’t always make the best use of the time and I just scroll up and down on social media and other times I’m really productive or use that time for prayer and meditation.

JJ was on a Christian camp with his youth group and he would text me at the crack of dawn as he knows I would be awake. This was just to say hi and for my benefit rather than his as he knows I’ll be missing him. He was so considerate to others though as I texted him back once saying is he up for a FaceTime call soon. His reply was “no mum it’s too early it will disturb others.” Err I didn’t mean at that time. When I said ‘soon’ I meant at some time later in the day or week just so I could see his face. I needed to be a bit more specific though. This did touch me though as again he defeats another myths about people with ASD. He is so in tune with his emotions and how other people will feel. He really gets that and responds appropriately.

That morning, Nae-Nae woke up, brushed her teeth then came to my room for a hug and a kiss. She just loves the sensation of my soft lips on hers so she has to have that fix everyday now, usually a few times a day at the moment. It only with me though which is good lol.

She ran down stairs to check the expiry date of the milk as she does and then poured herself a big glass of milk with her cereal. Now this is not a drink she usually has so I knew something had happened or there was a reason for it. She looked at me and asked “If milk helps bones and teeth to grow and helps our bodies. Then…” She paused for a second. I had a feeling what was coming but I still replied
“Yes go on.”
“Will it help my breasts to grow quicker too?” She asked with the facial expression that said you need to know the answer mummy.
I just rolled my eyes and asked her to find out herself. However that’s the thing she already had. The internet is a bad place some of the time! She had already googled what makes breasts grow and things about drinking milk came up. People were just having a discussion about it online but for her that’s enough for it to be a factor that can improve growth in all areas.
Great…! So my strategy about big breast on her little body will equal back ache wasn’t cutting through deep enough. Back to the drawing board MrsJK!

After breakfast she announced that we were going to the park. I was like “Are we?” Now when she mentioned this at a friends house the day before I thought she was just messing because Nae-Nae doesn’t suggest a trip to the park. Unless it’s our usual ritual of feeding the ducks on the last day of term. When we go to the park it’s always my idea because I like to get the family out and about together as often as possible and walks to our beautiful park are good as it’s not too far from our house so I don’t get many complaints because they know they won’t be out for too long.

Nae-Nae advised that we will be going to the playground bit of the park too which isn’t one of her favourite parts anymore because it’s usually very busy. Well I say ‘isn’t’ but I should say ‘wasn’t’. It wasn’t the usual park she was suggesting either. I was a little surprised but then she said we have to go early and her words were “The early bird catches the best worms.” I smiled. I love my children as they totally get it and understand themselves so much. Nae-Nae wants to enjoy the park but knows she doesn’t like it when it’s crowded so if we go at the crack of dawn during the summer holidays, lots of people will still be indoors and it will be virtually empty.

So we showered and got on our scooters and raced to the park. I say our scooters, yes I own a scooter. I bought it for myself one year as a birthday present to myself. It’s the one that creates sparks when you go fast and then press down on the brake pedal really hard. It’s the best! It’s so good that my children take over it and I have to use one of their scooters instead… It’s good to be small because my scooter fits them and theirs works with me.

I get lots of stares while I ride the scooter along the street with my children. I think people are looking around for another child that may be on foot because I’m on their scooter. When they don’t see another child walking or running they are slightly confused. Then again JJ says some days I look about 15 years old so they probably aren’t thinking anything of it at all. Maybe they are more confused at the fact that my children shout “Mum catch up.” They are probably looking around for the mum lol. I won’t lie, it is tiring on the legs so I don’t always manage to keep up with the children who whizz down the street but I do my best. It’s good fun and a great form or exercise too.

When we arrived Nae-Nae made a point of mentioning how empty it was. Yes! A success. Her face was a picture. She was so pleased. We put our scooters down and both jumped on the swings. Usually I have to push Nae-Nae on the swing because she is so lazy sometimes and won’t try herself and believed that she wasn’t able to do it herself, but most recently we went fruit picking and I had to pop into the cafe for something literally a couple of metres away and she didn’t want to come in as it was busy so she stayed on the swing. She had no choice but to do it independently and she discovered she could as she tried to keep up with the child on the swing beside her.

So back in the park we swung together for ages. I was so therapeutic. It was like being a child again with no cares in the world, well until my legs hurt so I had to slow down. Nae-Nae was a bit annoyed that I was slowing down because she was enjoying the wind blowing in her face and watching us together synchronised at every move. I explained to her that I was tired so had to stop. She looked at me and nodded that it was ok to stop. Phew she understood.
She then said “Yes mummy you are old so you need to have a rest but I’m young so I can keep going.” Yep if you need any reassurance in life Nae-Nae is your girl.

After a few minutes Nae-Nae decided to go to the bigger circular swing. We were spoilt for choice with all the apparatus because the playground was virtually empty. There were a few little children with their adults but they weren’t old enough to use the things Nae-Nae could go on so she was in her element. This is the way to manage the summer holidays with a child who dislikes crowded places, get up and go out while most people are still in bed.

We rocked on the circular swing together then I jumped off to push Nae-Nae on her own. She was screaming for joy and I pushed harder and harder. It was like a ride at the theme park. Nae-Nae reminded me that I was pushing a weight so it was good exercise for me. She even suggested that this could be a good way to help me lose weight lol. This makes her happy as she thinks I need to lose a few pounds. I’ve never seen a child more excited than her when I’m in my gym clothes ready to go to the gym. She’s so happy for me.

Nae-Nae wanted to get off so asked me to stop the swing and get her off. Hmmm I decided not to but instead use it as a lesson in life. I told her I’m not going to stop the swing but I will stop pushing so she will have to stop the swing herself and find a way to get off. She squealed at me because she didn’t like the sound of that. Sounds cruel but I just laughed with her. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t think she could do it. She likes being babied and she’s going to secondary school soon so I need her to cope.

I moved away from the swing and whistled. She called out “Mummy I can’t do it.” I replied “Yes you can and mummy won’t always be around you so you need to find a way to do things without me.” It did choke me to say that as my baby girl is getting big and there’s going to come a time soon when she’s going to want to go out on her own with her friends and we’re going to have to be ok about that. I need to know that she will survive so I have to give her these lessons now.

I never thought this day would come. I never thought JJ would manage on school trips to France and week camps away but he has. These children have the capacity to be independent if we continue to nurture them for this as early as possible. All things are possible and miracles happen.

After a few minutes I watched Nae-Nae figure out how to slow the circular swing down and then when it was virtually at a standstill, she looked at me for direction. I told her she needs to find a way of stepping off it. She squealed again and asked me to just help her get off, so I turned around and put my back to her and told her to take her time and whenever she felt ready take one step off and then the other. This swing sits quite high off the ground so its not an easy thing to do if its still moving. However, I turned around to the side and watched her take a big deep breath in as she prepared for the mammoth task. I could see the slight panic in her face and I felt horrible but I knew with a little effort she could do it.

In order to help her out I offered some encouragement and reminded her that she didn’t like putting her head under the water to swim and she didn’t think she could ever do it because she was scared she would drown. This time last month she wouldn’t even attempt it but now she’s swimming to the bottom of the pool to fetch the diving rings. She looked at me and smile. I moved back again and shouted “All things are possible, miracles happen.” This stirred something in her and she took another deep breath and put one foot down and then the other as the swing moved slightly. Her face was awesome. Slight panic turned into real joy when she got off. She was so proud of herself and I was so proud of her.

She then felt she could conquer the world so she went on the climbing frame which is like an obstacle course. While she was on it I saw a lady I knew who also has a child on the spectrum so we talked about the holidays so far and moving up to secondary school. Nae-Nae didn’t recognise this lady although her child was in the same year at school, so she shouted at me “Stop talking to strangers mummy.”
I explained that the lady wasn’t a stranger and told her that she was a mum of a child in her year at school. The lady greeted her by name as extra reassurance. Nae-Nae didn’t respond but she gave me that look like ok you can talk to her. My life lol!

Next it was time for the skate ramps with our scooters. Now I don’t even go on these ramps and I used to be pretty fearless when it comes to these things but now I’m a mum I consider the fact that I could break bones and would be no good to anyone so I don’t go near it. However, she really wanted me to test it out with her. She was on fire so I couldn’t blow her out now. I gulped really hard and got up on the big ramp. Yes I was freaking the heck out and told Nae-Nae if I hurt myself she should get my phone out of my bag, look in my contacts for ‘Home’ and call Daddy and tell him where we were and if I looked like I was asleep call 999 ask for an ambulance and tell them your mummy has fallen and she looks like she is sleeping. She nodded her head so I knew she understood. I didn’t want her to panic but I needed her to know what to do just in case.

I went down the biggest ramp and my heart was literally in my mouth. I thought nah mate not doing that again so I stayed near the smaller ramps and suggested that Nae-Nae did the same. She scootered for ages going back and forth getting more and more adventurous as flew over the ramps. She was as free as a butterfly, no pressure, no anxiety. She did everything at her own pace and she could because there was no one else there.

I just watched her for ages and it was like she’s now ready for the big wide world. Preparation is key and giving them lessons when no one else is around works well. When they have overcome the things in themselves, then throw other people into the mix. Nae-Nae can probably hang out with her friends on the ramps now because she’s mastered it. She can play on the circular swing without me because she now knows how to get off. She has a phone so she knows what to do in an emergency because I gave her advice in a live situation. These are the little things that we might take for granted but they are necessary lessons. We managed to cover all things and got home with several hours to relax and play. This is because the early bird catches the best worms.

Time is precious, make good use of every second. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. How many do you use? Do you use them wisely to help you manage whatever life throws at you? If I have to get up and out at the crack of dawn so my children can experience things and enjoy life with reduced levels of anxiety and stress then its worth it.

Peace and love

MrsJK