Transition time

Not everything in our lives is easy so I don’t ever want to give the impression that life is a walk in the park. Far from it! Life is more like a walk through the rain forest onto the jungle and then round the corner to the park street at times. However I always like to make a thing of successes and things we overcome because there are lots of things people take for granted in their daily lives whereas they are massive big deals for us parents with SEN children.

The last school term has been in history always the worse for Nae-Nae with Autumn term being a close second. This is when everything changes. Everything she’s worked hard to remember, ever routine that has worked disappears and its replaced with lots of uncertainty.

This year was Nae-Nae’s last year in primary school so the change is even more different. Preparation is key but for Nae-Nae it can also be difficult if it means taking her away from what she considers as normality. We signed her up for transition group which meant she had extra opportunities to visit her secondary school so she can get used to things. In theory this was a great idea but for Nae-Nae this meant missing things in primary school. Nae-Nae is also super overly obsessed with getting 100% attendance so this raised questions in her head as to whether going to secondary school for these visits would affect it.

No matter how many times I explained it, the teachers confirmed it, the office staff clarified it Nae-Nae was not convinced. She felt if she wasn’t at primary school for registration she would lose the attendance mark. The first transition day started at 8.55 am so she couldn’t go to primary school beforehand. I saw her face when the hands of the clock moved to 8.50 am, the time her primary school started. It broke my heart. Tears rolled down her face and whatever was happening during the transition morning did not sink in as her mind was fixed on primary school and attendance rating.

As soon as that session finished and I got her back to her primary school gates, she ran in tears to the office complaining about all the fun she must have missed. The office staff were great with her but I walked away with an empty feeling in my stomach. My heart was hurting for her. Should I pull her out of the next transition group session or go through this again? I wondered. I didn’t know what to do for the best. I spoke to the Lord to provide us with a solution.

The next transition group day information was sent home and boy did I dread it. However, this time it commenced at 9.15 am. I said thank God for being able to drive a car and the wisdom he gave me for this day. The letter said go straight to secondary school and you will be marked in. Yeah whatever, like Nae-Nae believed any of that. Therefore I decided to take a chance and take her to primary school first thing, get her registered and then run and jump in the car and bolt across town to her secondary school as they are not situated close to each other.

I wrote a letter to her year 6 teacher explaining the craziness I had planned but I knew she would get it. When we arrived at school Mrs Simpson helped by allowing Nae-Nae to be called out of the register first and pick her lunch options. Then her 1:1 TA Miss Lewis rushed her back to the office where I waited to collect her. We then ran as fast as our legs could carry us to the car. My heart was beating so fast because another thing Nae-Nae dislikes is lateness and by doing this she could have been late for transition group. As I drove I prayed so hard that any traffic will get out of my way and I will be directed to the quickest route so we will still have minutes to spare before the session started.

Thank God my prayers were answered. The roads were clear and I didn’t need to drive in an unsafe manner. I got from primary school to secondary school in 6 minutes. I didn’t even know that was possible as it usually takes more like 15 minutes. I was a complete wreck but it was so worth it to see Nae-Nae so happy and not full of anxiety and stress about primary school. She enjoyed herself so much and came out buzzing because she made a new friend.

Nae-Nae made the choice to go to a school where her primary school friends weren’t going. She wanted a new start and she told me she is going to be a different person so I suppose she didn’t want the attachment to the past or many people still thinking about her as the child of old who she wants to get away from. I’m actually quite pleased about that too. Although she has a lovely set of friends I have noticed when most of them talk to her they change their tone of voice and start speaking to Nae-Nae as if she is 3 years old. It actually does my head in because they don’t talk to their other friends like that. I did make a point many a time to those friends so they acknowledged what they were doing because I don’t even think they noticed. It’s just something they did. It’s not their fault. Nae-Nae does make baby noises and non age appropriate sounds so it’s no wonder people treat her like that but hopefully all of that can stop now.

When Nae-Nae arrived at primary school that day although she cried a little again about the things she had potentially missed, she really had a good experience at her secondary school so that actually overshadowed the ‘loss’. Being signed in already was massive. She didn’t need to select food options just sign to say she’s back in the building because I signed her out again seconds after she registered. The computer system must have thought huh? Then saw her name and went with it. That school is going to miss her i’m sure. They probably haven’t seen anything like, neither will they ever again lol.

I must say we are totally blessed that we have had people that just went with what we needed to do with Nae-Nae even though at times it may not have made much sense or it could have been a total inconvenience to many. No one ever challenged our approach but I think it was because we were assertive and we lived like we are the experts in our children because we are. We might not always get it right either but we have to try lots of things and get others to try along with us, which they did. To even have the head teacher saying “MrsJK what do you want us to do because you are the expert?” when there needed to be some consequences for something Nae-Nae did was massive and testament of that.

I say this over and over again, real partnership working with school has been key for us. They know us by name and face and know from a far that I in particular is on my way. When we were pleased about something we went in to thank people. When things needed adjusting we went in to discuss it. We wrote daily and weekly accounts and expected the same in return, which we got. For us it was good to know what’s happening so we can support or challenge anything that is or isn’t working for our child and likewise we wanted school to know what we were doing at home so they could support us by providing the consistency that was required. Yes it seems like a lot of work and there is a view that schools are paid to help our children in school, correct! However if things don’t work out who deals with it? The parents/carers. We chose to help prevent things from going drastically wrong with preventative tools rather than waiting for the intervention stage just because we imagined the fall out the other way round. There’s no right or wrong way but that’s the way we chose.

So on the last transition day when all year 6 children visited their school Nae-Nae didn’t need to go to her primary school first. The fact that everyone was doing it on the same day she didn’t feel she was missing anything. I think I was most anxious that day. I worried whether I would get the call to come and get her. I had a transition day at my new job so I was fretting about being called out of that. However, I got over myself when I saw Nae-Nae standing waiting to go in the hall. She was looking around and noticed a girl she met a few nights before when we attended the open evening. This young lady was in Nae-Nae’s form and she was crying. Nae-Nae left my side and went over to her and gave her a big hug saying “It will be OK!”

I tell ya! I nearly cried. My heart absolutely melted. There was me worried about Nae-Nae and there she was being a support to another child. I was so so proud. Nae-Nae isn’t the type to say things she doesn’t believe in so that also showed me that she was confident things will be ok for herself. I walked away with joy in my heart!

Change and transition seasons are hard but there comes a point where it will be ok.

Miracles happen!
Peace and Love

MrsJK