Autism Awareness Month Day 25

It’s just another manic Monday.

The working week is here again. Yay… I was up early. Nae-Nae wanted to do some more homework tasks so she was up at the crack of dawn too.
We got ready for work and school and out the door by 8. I had to drop JJ and be back home to meet a colleague who was giving me a lift to the meeting. It was my last scheduled team meeting for the service I was covering for this month and I said farewell to my old team last month. To say farewell, I took in some goodies for us to share. They made me feel so welcome and blessed to manage them for the short time. They were so nice to me and seemed happy to have me and wish I had longer.  I too may have needed longer in my mind to help sort things out more but I knew I couldn’t stay passed the end of April. It’s time now!
I worked from home in the afternoon and a letter came from JJ’s school. I thought he knew about it so when he came in I asked him whether he want to go on Thursday. He had no idea what I was talking about. So I read the letter to him. He had been selected by the teachers to attend a consultation evening with teachers to explore and discuss certain provisions in the school. He had been selected due to his outstanding commitment and attitude to learning. They felt that he would be an amazing ambassador for his peers and other learners. Yes you know I almost cried as I was reading it. However, this involved him talking in front of a group of teachers about his ideas so I knew it wouldn’t be one of his favourite pass times, so I had to check whether he wanted to. He was unsure at first but when he read the comments about himself again he said “It might not be comfortable for me at first but I need to push myself.” This is another way to help him conquer some fears as public speaking is not his bag but he has lots of great ideas and he is testament to the fact that anything is possible. He decided to accept the invitation so I signed the permission slip. I’m so happy he chose to go. He was selected to have breakfast with some teachers last year and do a similar thing and he was amazing and it was really good for him. We could be looking at the future Youth Mayor!

The kids had a quick bite to eat and we got ready to go to an art and design club that I run for their age group. This club is not specifically for children with additional needs but 50% of the members have needs and as we provide an inclusive environment it works for all. My children really enjoy it so much. They both love art and anything creative and they are so good at it.

We had lots of crazy ideas planned for the group, my staff are awesome and came up with two great things to do and Nae-Nae gave me the idea for the food task. We had chocolate to melt, digestive biscuits, marshmallows and strawberries. The children could decide what to do with those ingredients. I gave them some ideas but the whole point of the club is to let the children explore their own uniqueness and creativity. They produced chocolate covered biscuits, biscuit sandwiches with strawberries and toasted marshmallows inside and all sorts. Their ideas were absolutely stunning! I am so proud of all the children including my two.

One boy said something that really touched my heart. He asked where I get all my ideas from. I told that actually today’s food activity wasn’t my idea it was Nae-Nae’s. I wasn’t going to do a food activity this month as we had two other big excited tasks to do but Nae-Nae and JJ were outraged that I would even consider not doing one so Nae-Nae suggested the idea which would be cost effective and simple so I agreed to do all three. I’m not sure we will do three big messy tasks like that again though.
Anyway back to the young boy’s comment. He told me in front of everyone “You are the coolest person I know.” Aww I was absolutely choked and totally touched by that. I wanted to hug him but I didn’t besides it would spoil his street-cred. He waited for me to express my gratitude for the comment and then said “Well…You are the coolest person I know after me.” I cracked up laughing! Seriously I love that boy, he needs his own talk show or comedy act because he is so funny and so bold! He always has everyone one the floor laughing. His timing and delivery is just immaculate. The confidence in this child is through the roof! I love love love that. I seriously don’t mind coming second to him being the coolest person he knows. His parents must be so proud. They are such a lovely family I seriously have so much love for them. Well, I have so much love for all the children and families I work with. It’s an absolute honour to be a vessel to support them.
I received texts during the day from other parents saying their kids are excited to be seeing me this week. I run various clubs at different times throughout the month as I can’t do all of them weekly due to my family and other commitments. I really love what I do and I know I have a purpose to do more with children and families which is why the season at my main job is ending this week.

In the club we also decorated plant pots to our individual tastes and potted them with compost and sunflower seeds. I made a customised MrsJK pot of course. We then had fun making lava lamps. None of us had done it before and it’s more fun to try it out with the children instead of testing it out first and just give instructions. We had some really cool designs although it got a bit explosive at one point.
There’s one boy that sometimes forgets himself and uses inappropriate language. He said something and I reminded him that it wasn’t acceptable. He always apologises and gets back on track. Nae-Nae however thinks what he said was really funny and somehow to my despair she has discovered the programmes Family Guy and South Park… So you can imagine. I am banning her from watching it as she has picked up some swear words which she thinks are hilarious. I don’t find it very funny at all!
When the little boy apologised and Nae-Nae was laughing I took the opportunity to correct her. However I decided to use a different tactic. I told the boy that she has also started to pick up such language and says it and laughs. He was equally outraged. He had a word with her and told her that sometimes he can’t help it but he knows it’s bad so he doesn’t want her to ever copy such a thing as he wants to stop too. Nae-Nae seemed to tune into what he was saying well a little bit..
On our way home the car was toastie  so the windows had steamed up. When I turned around to reverse into the space outside our house I saw that Nae-Nae had written the F word on the window she was sitting next to. JJ saw it too and he looked at my face like ‘oh boy’ because he knew I was about to BLOW!!! I told her straight that not under any circumstances should she ever use that word and how dare she write it on my car window as it will be stuck there when the rain stops for everyone to see. Oh she knew I was mad so she started crying and refused to get out of the car. I had to take the seat belt off her and gently lift her out of the car as she wasn’t moving even though I was talking and telling her to get out over and over again.
She cried and screamed all the way to the house as I had one arm around her and marched her indoors. The neighbourhood must have thought I was killing her. I was in a hurry as I needed to get back to the hall with JJ, finish tidying up ready for the church youth club who use the hall on Monday evenings. I opened the front door, sat her down on the stairs, took her shoes off and called MrJK to take over while she was still screaming. I was still steaming and it might sound weird but I felt she had violated my new baby boy car as well. I wasn’t happy! More importantly I wasn’t happy that she thought it was ok to do that.

MrJK came down the stairs asked me what was wrong and he then took over equally disappointed by her actions but tried to calm her down. I tried to exit to get back to the car as I was in a rush but she screamed after me “Mummy please.” She was reaching out her hands which meant please hug me I’m sorry. She doesn’t like it when I’m mad with her. I went back to her and hugged her to accept the apology but told her that I’ll speak to her again when I come back home. I know she doesn’t mean to upset me and she doesn’t really understand why it’s not funny nor was it accepted round here but I need her to get it now before she takes that to school because they won’t have that there and she will get in trouble and I don’t want that for her.

I went back to the hall, finished tidying up and waited for the youth leaders and then left JJ to it. He has a job of setting up the rooms for the club and he does it with an open loving heart. I left and went home to talk to Nae-Nae.
When I got in I could hear her playing happily upstairs so I just sat on the stairs for a bit and reflected on how best to deal with the situation. I didn’t plan to use rage as it wouldn’t be helpful or productive. She wouldn’t be listening to what I’m saying she would just be focused on the noise that would be coming out of my mouth. Shouting at some children on the spectrum is pointless so when I see some people do and when I’ve noticed some people try it with my children I have had to kindly explain that it’s not an effective tool with them especially if they are sensitive to certain sounds.

I went upstairs and sat on the floor just looking at her and then covered my face with my hands to show her I’m really sad. This unnerves her. She stopped what she was doing to ask me what was wrong. At first I didn’t respond so she kept asking me. I asked her why she thinks I would be sad. I’m a great actor so I pushed out a tear too. She became quite worried. She knew what it was about. I told her I’m really sad but I’m also worried that she will continue to use bad language and get in trouble at school. I told her that I need to try and help her stop now before she takes it to another level. I told her perhaps I needed more help. I suggested arranging a meeting with her head teacher to discuss it. She freaked! For me to tell her head teacher was the worse thing I could do to her because she feared that this could result in exclusion and that is her greatest fear.
I told her that I’m going to pray to God for an answer to help me help her to stop. She has not only picked up bad words but bad gestures, sticking her middle finger up. She has only ever done it to JJ and MrJK when his back was turned but I caught her doing it. It was a response to him moving something she didn’t want moved which upset her.
She got up and came to me to hug me and said “Mummy you don’t need to be scared I will comfort you.” My heart went! “Mummy you don’t need anyone to help we can do this together. I will try my hardest to stop.” She really doesn’t like upsetting me and this right there was having an impact. She hugged me and told me she loved me.
We sat there for a minute hugging and then she came up with her own strategies to help her refrain from doing it. She even suggested the things I could take away from her as punishment every time she does it again. We were getting somewhere. MrJK knew it was a place of calm so he entered and added his piece and gave her his ideas of discipline too. She accepted it and promised to try harder.
Nae-Nae told me that it’s hard being good all the time. I reminded her that we don’t even expect that of her, we just don’t like certain behaviours and we won’t make her think it’s ok to do it regardless of her needs. I left it there and went to collect JJ who bounced out like a jumping jack in a box so he obviously had a good time.
Bath and bed. One day down…

Peace and Love

MrsJK