Autism Awareness Month Day 12

I woke up feeling very thankful. This day 15 years ago MrJK and I signed a certificate to declare we wanted to share a surname and be together as husband and wife until we depart this earth. We had other wedding ceremonies in the same year so we tend to make a bigger deal of the anniversary in August as that’s when we blessed our marriage in church, nevertheless we still mark this day in some way by reflecting and giving thanks. I’m thankful that despite challenges of life, despite some silly things we have done and although we annoy each other at times, we are stronger as a couple more than ever and the love keeps growing. We have to be a special unit with the almighty as the head to manage this life and that’s how it’s working.
JJ was back to school today whereas Nae-Nae has another week off. I know awkward! Thank goodness for our working patterns otherwise that’s three weeks of annual leave we would have to take between us when there’s the six weeks holidays still to come. The Almighty has already sorted that out too with me stepping into a new phase in life. More info on that another time.
Anyway Nae-Nae wasn’t bothered that JJ was going to school as that just means King and Princess time while the Queen and Prince take leave of absence. Well something like that! Mine being off to work yay.
I got ready and took JJ and his friend to school. There’s a certain ritual that JJ always does in the car. He waits for his friend to get into the car then he reaches for his phone and switches it off. I guess he keeps it on in case his friend is late or not coming to school and until we get to his house he leaves the phone on to expect that message.  I see the logic but he had a text from another friend as he pulled out his phone. I looked over his shoulder and saw that it may have been nice to reply to that message but he still went for the off button. I asked him why didn’t he reply. He said “the phone is off now.” I told him he can switch it back on and reply as we still have the car journey to go. He looked at me like no I can’t. I understood that face so I just left it. They aren’t allowed phones on at school so he ensures he switches his phone off while in the car so he won’t forget. However because it’s also a routine there was nothing in his brain that will allow him to be flexible enough to leave the phone on for a few minutes longer or switch it back on to reply to his other friend and then switch it off. As he had already switched off the phone that was it he just couldn’t put it back on in his mind.
These are the little things that remind me of some of his needs. As he has totally transformed from that little boy.  Many people will see him and without spending lots of time with him even if you have a super hero radar he wouldn’t be the child you would pick out of the crowd. That’s only because he has learnt to mask his needs amazingly and he learns to conform with what is happening around him but at the same time be a leader and do what he knows is expected of him. I do love it when people say “No he’s not on the spectrum.” I laugh and think well if you knew him when he was 1,2,3,4,5 or 6 you wouldn’t say that. And no he hasn’t grown out of it lol. Strategies and the hand of God have just caused a transformation and he is no longer the child the media talks about. Again that’s down to awareness! No two children are the same. He is still very much on the spectrum but his needs have just changed somewhat due to ‘programming’ and ‘tuning’. I explained what I meant by that the other day so I’m sure you know what I mean now.
I went off to work, had a hectic day and just about had time to grab some lunch and eat it on my travels. I really need to stop doing that as its not good for me and my stomach… I’m getting a bit better now but before it was worse, I wouldn’t even eat. I put everyone and everything first even at work and my needs came last. I wasn’t in a free state so I didn’t even realise I was neglecting myself. I would ensure the family had a well balanced life and ensure the community and the rest of the world had well balanced lives but me I just pretended that I was happy seeing everyone happy. I actually genuinely believed that to be true until I was free and woke up!
I realised that I’m no good to anyone if my mental health is not good and my physical health is not good. Even in my presentation, my kids and hubby will look like they just stepped off the cat walk but me, well anything would do. Looking back at it now, I am outraged because it was ridiculous! Now I spend lots of time on me too. Well this month I haven’t done much purely because I’m in a transition period but next month I’m on it again. I usually find time to have monthly full body massages or get to the sauna, go to the gym, go out with hubby for couple time, meet up with friends, go out to events, go on holiday with friends then with family. It’s so important to have ‘respite’ from our daily grind. That doesn’t mean have respite care for your child it could just mean having a chance to have time when you aren’t with them and you are doing something for yourself that doesn’t involve helping others too. That could occur while they are at school or if they are home schooled, a time when your partner or family member can watch them so you can just have a hot minute.
I highly recommend it for all parents! Male or female. It will transform your thinking and transform you world. If we’re feeling great it helps us to deal with what we have in our hands better. My children embrace me going out more now too. They help me to decide what to wear and want to know step by step what I plan to do when I’m out. I don’t always tell them though but I’m happy to report back of some of the things when I return. They need to know that mummy and daddy have a life outside of raising them too. I think it’s so important. I didn’t used to but now I do it I won’t go back to that ‘unworthy’ place.
JJ’s other friend who he goes home with was poorly so as much as he offered I didn’t think it was nice for his dad to still collect JJ for me so he waited until I had finished. JJ didn’t have his memory button screwed down tightly so he got in the car, I drove off and half way home I thought I would check whether he had his violin with him as he had it when he left this morning just in case his Monday lesson was changed to today due to inset day. We were correct as he confirmed that he had a lesson but his hands rose up to cover his face which meant he had left it at school. He said “It’s because it’s not Monday today and my brain doesn’t tune into having to bring a violin home on a Tuesday. Again this just confirms that he still works to a set programme in his head.
I turned the car around and went back in the direction of school. JJ was shocked that I would do that and go back for it, but it was purely for my own sanity. I knew if I didn’t he will only stress about it all day and all night until he has it in his hands again. It’s happened before so I know.  I planned to enjoy a semi-stress free evening so it was best to waste a bit of petrol to do that. He collected it and all was well with the world again. He also pulled out his shiny crisp certificate for the violin exam he took last term. I was so proud of him and he was so proud of himself but his loose memory button overpowered this sense of pride obviously. This violin exam was a big deal for him. He stressed about it but on the day he was fantastic! Personally, I love children learning an instrument but the pressure of exams and grading doesn’t sit well with me, which is why I don’t focus on that when I coach children to play different instruments and enjoy as well as allowing it to be a form of therapy. Music is a therapy for me. Besides, how many successful music stars will tell you they have grade blah blah in their instrument? Not many do have particular grades or a degree in music but they are still what they are today!

On our way back home again I had a call come through the car’s hands free device and it was unknown number but I still answered it. It wasn’t a normal voice call though it was Nae-Nae on FaceTime but as I was driving I didn’t see the phone to see her face. She was whining that her loose tooth is stuck in her gum and it was hanging off a little but it had got stuck. I couldn’t see what she meant but her big brother was worried so he searched for my phone in my bag so he could see her on the screen. He took over the conversation from there, showing the most beautiful brotherly love. He tried to coach her to move her tooth around to get it unstuck. It didn’t seem to be moving though so he told her to call daddy but she said daddy has tried to tell me the same thing but it won’t move. JJ told her “Don’t worry we’ll be home soon and mummy can help you.” I thought in my head  Yes mummy the superhero that will save the day lol. I think he really believes that.
When we got home I saw the tooth for myself and yucky it was caught in her gum but it was hanging over another tooth. It didn’t look pleasant. It was wobbly and I had told Nae-Nae to keep moving it around to help and she probably did that a bit too much. I washed my hands and told her I would push it back in place for her. That was a slight lie, I just planned to pluck it out but if I told her that she would have freaked and probably not open her mouth because of the fear of pain. I grabbed hold of it and said “Ok I’m pushing it back into place” and in a flash I just pulled it out. It must have given her a small sharp pinch because she jumped. I was like “Oh sorry it come out” lol. She was happy though and rushed to the bathroom although there was no sign of blood. JJ followed after her and told me she was washing the tooth for the tooth fairy. He laughed as he said that he is passed belief in them but plays along. I just called out to her and said “You don’t need to wash it, they don’t care about that.” I laughed to myself as I was really speaking like I believed in the tooth fairy myself but actually what I meant was save the water because I don’t intend to store the tooth. I kept her first tooth that come out after that the bin sees them.
Nae-Nae came to me with a big smile on her face a very gappy smile as she has lost a few teeth recently. She was so happy that she was losing her last few baby teeth as this to her demonstrates that she is growing into a young lady. So I sang her a little rhyme I just made up on the spot “Nae-Nae is losing all her baby teeth, cos she is going through puberty.” She smiled and asked me to sing it again but finish the song. I didn’t have another verse but I sang the words again and then she could see I drew a blank so she continued the song. “she will turn into an adult and be all she wants to be. Doing art getting A levels and being the police.” Wow it actually rhymed as well. She is a talented song writing in the making. It’s in her genes! I quickly wrote all those words down to keep for her.
I wanted to explore what she said a little bit more as she keeps going on about A levels recently. She explained that she needs to work hard and get good A levels. I agreed but explained that there are a few more steps before that. I didn’t want to burst her bubble or anything but just wanted her to have the reality of now, first step get to secondary school, have fun and learn, try to stay in school without risk of exclusion, she laughed at that because she knew what I was saying. It’s serious but we can smile about it now, 20th November 2015 is a day we will never forget for a couple of reasons. I won’t go into it now though as its a long story for another day.
We had a lovely celebration dinner and then bathed and I chilled with MrJK watching TV in bed. We watched a programme about OCD cleaners going into other people’s homes who live in the complete opposite state and help them clean. I told MrJK that he needs to sign up to go on that show. He laughed but he knew what I was saying. Then I thought actually nah the poor person that he would go to might not be able to handle the cussing that would come out of his mouth. I let that cussing go over my head now when I put something in the ‘wrong’ place or I leave a dish in the sink. I am a bit of a prankster like Nae-Nae and have a weird cheeky rebellious streak so at times I leave things unclean or lying around just to get a reaction cos I can actually sit there and count in the cussing… After 1,2,3 there it comes on cue.
I remember one time I decided to have every Wednesday I think it was as Wacky prank Wednesday. So one morning really early I got up and quietly like a mouse I changed the whole lounge around and then quietly got back into bed. I stayed upstairs when MrJK went downstairs and went into the lounge all talking to himself like he had lost the plot. He just didn’t remember moving things and he didn’t hear me get up in the night so at first he had no idea how that could have happened. He was getting quite stressed and I even heard him check whether our front door was unlocked and everything. I was wetting myself with laughter.  I should have recorded it as it would have made great TV. I know I’m terrible! Please if you have family members on the spectrum or with OCD, do not I say again do not try this at home! MrJK is good game but I won’t ever try it again. MrJK also put everything back as he wanted it, before the kids noticed too. No doubt one day he will get me back real good but for now I just sleep with one eye open lol.

We have to laugh in this life!

Signing out for another day. Catch you tomorrow.

Peace and Love

MrsJK