Autism Awareness Day 5 – You need to start in order to finish

Busy day ahead at work so I was out of the house early leaving MrJK on child duty again. It was a lovely sunny drive and its always a good time to reflect on life. Weirdly enough I was thinking about driving, but I don’t know why but it came to mind. I drive on autopilot going to my office and really do it without thinking too much about it because I know the route in my sleep. Often I’m really in a day dream but still manage to get to my destination safely.  But how did I get from being a learner driver to this? Sometimes we just get to a place but we forget about the hard process that came before and in between. At the time it’s so hard but once you arrive at today those struggles are less present in your mind.
I likened that to my journey as a whole from overcoming some tough childhood stuff to battling all sorts, to parenting children with additional needs and most recently dealing with the grief of losing a child (step child) at the hands of the horrible crime, murder. Although I feel like a pro at driving, at any time there could be a road that I’ve never crossed before due to a diversion, I will encounter other drivers that might catch me off guard, or there could be a sudden mishap. I’ve only ever driven in the UK so what will it be like driving elsewhere in the world? Will the skills I have be relevant or will I have to learn things all over in a different way? Well my conclusion was, each day I gather different skills and talents and they are all helpful for the current journey I’m on but some things are also there to train me for I task that doesn’t exist right now. It’s amazing!! Creation is amazing!
If I didn’t have the childhood that I had and my children were not diagnosed with ASD, would I be doing some of the things I do now working with individuals and families, working with children with additional needs? Would I have lots to write about for a blog? I very much doubt it. So although my life comes with many struggles I think it’s all training for the thing I didn’t even visualise. I suspect some of you might not see it right now but there’s probably things that you are encountering that make you want to cry or scream or laugh but perhaps one day that thing will turn into a great story that you will love to share or even help other people with.

I have a client who I visited who has a powerful story of overcoming for the future but she just doesn’t know it yet. I know some other parents who now have adult children on the spectrum and although those adults still face particular challenges, lots of the fears the parents had about their future have been settled. Keep faith alive! Like I’ve said before everyone’s journey and purpose is different but it’s clear everyone has a reason for being here and as long as that person functions within their personal purpose, life here on earth is complete!
After a day of revelations, I came home to Nae-Nae timing herself again doing a reading test. Trust me this girl has some serious dedication! I don’t even have to tell her to study as she is already on it. When she was 3 years old jumping and flipping head first off tables in nursery, would I have believed this day would come? Honestly, I had a feeling because of visions I had regarding her but I wasn’t confident that it would look anything like this or know how we would get there. She completed one section of the test and I could see she was tired. bless her. Therefore, I got her to understand that it’s not the actual test so she can stop the clock and continue tomorrow with the time remaining and go and play or draw or something. Her answer was, “I’ve already played lots today.” Like what? Why am I pleading with a child to stop studying and take a break? If that was me as a child you wouldn’t have to tell me twice, I’m off. JJ joined in to help me explain if she stops the clock and comes back to the exact same spot tomorrow it will still be like she’s done it under exam conditions as she’s not giving herself more time just a break in brain and its ok to do that as she is only on day 2 of her holiday so there’s lots of days to do it again. JJ said “I bet none of your friends have even started.” This made me smile as he used to be the same but now he’s learnt to work hard but also lighten up and play hard too. She responded well to JJ and came away from her study area and put up the new super duper wooden art easel she got for her birthday and started drawing the most beautiful picture of a Mermaid.

Nae-Nae has a thing about Mermaids and I’m not too sure yet what it is about them as she doesn’t watch anything with Mermaids in it or read book like that but she goes through stages where that’s all she will draw and the beauty of the pictures are just amazing. Well I say she doesn’t watch anything with Mermaids but that’s not strictly true. Nae-Nae has a fascination with rare medical conditions and watches programmes all about them on rotation and repeat. There’s one about a little girl who has a condition which the little girl refers to as Mermaid Syndrome as her legs were fused together in that way and she has no womb, no uterus and lots of other things which Nae-Nae could reel off but I can’t remember. It’s a real remarkable story! Sadly this little girl passed away years after the episode was recorded and Nae-Nae can tell you the exact date and cause of death because she’s looked it up and found it on the web. Nae-Nae has a real fascination with birth and causes of death, death and beyond but that’s a story for another day. I will need longer than a few hours to write about it and it will blow your mind because it blows my head off sometimes.
JJ showed me a text from one of his friends asking whether he can come to a sleepover tomorrow. It’s funny but he received the text early in the day but hadn’t shown his dad. Why? As he knows I’m the ‘mummy taxi’ so he knows if it doesn’t work with me and my schedule he isn’t going, although he had already discussed a plan B with his friend whereby the boy’s mum can collect him if I’m busy hmm.  I do find it interesting that there are different dynamics in the family and children grasp really quickly who can do what so much so that there’s no point asking the other one until the one that can do it is present. Going back a step, did I ever think the JJ will be going to sleepovers with non-family members and MrJK and I would not be freaking out about it? No! But it happens. Trust me, for me to be ok about that goes deeper than the fact that JJ is on the spectrum but based on things that occurred in my childhood. MrJK was even more overprotective of our children because he had to witness the effects things had on me in my adult life. So for him to also be ok about it is massive. When did all of this happen? I can’t even remember but JJ has been on a couple of sleepover parties and was excited about this one.
To be fair he spends lots of time online speaking to this group of friends and I often secretly listen into their skype conversations so I’ve worked out the dynamics. Despite what I may have worried about in the past that JJ was easily influenced and would follow others, no not any more. When they are going off track he is the one to coach them back in. If they start talking about inappropriate things JJ will tell them about themselves lol. He’s an upstanding citizen and you can’t sway him from his beliefs and morals very easily. On that basis we don’t have to worry too much about him. Besides he’s the kind of child that has a good relationship with us as parents and even when his friends say “Don’t say.” He knows when he needs to ignore that and come and tell me anyway. Especially if he thinks someone is in trouble or at risk. All those years of good communication and role play activities we do at home pay off. Schools are great with some of those things but they don’t have time to cover everything so we must do it at home and give our children life lessons before other people do! In my view that’s even more important if you have a vulnerable child ensuring you pitch it in a way they can understand and even if you think they don’t quite grasp it, don’t stop just look at different methods of engagement.
I know it’s not easy, but is anything easy in the beginning? Going back to that learner driver…! It’s still good to try and you have to start in order to finish.

Peace and love

MrsJK