Autism Awareness Month Day 4

Monday morning creeps up on us so quickly like the weekend never existed. My little Miss Motivator made me get up extra early this morning as she wanted me to go running while she rode her bike. I needed to do it at 7.30am latest so I could leave home at 8.30am for work. I was not looking forward to it to be honest so when I got her bike out and went to her room to tell her I’m ready she said “Nah I can’t be bothered.” I didn’t know whether to be happy or annoyed lol. I suppose I was expecting her to give me the motivation and she built me up to it and then left me out in the cold to make a choice. My choice was ‘nah I can’t be bothered’ but do you know what, I felt so bad later that I ensured I ate healthily all day to make up for it.
I find that sometimes there’s a message for me in the unspoken and I have to tune into it to hear correctly. This thought, took me back to the time when my children had no or limited speech and we needed to work out what they needed or wanted to say in the silence. I learnt so much about the unspoken world when I stopped and listened to the silence. The lakes and streams can talk and the wind can have something to say.  I support a few children who are non/pre-verbal and I notice when I completely tune into them as individuals, I know exactly what they are saying and it’s a beautiful world in that we are all contributing to life through our own uniqueness. We all have something to say but some communicate it more within a freedom that is in us. However we don’t always hear because we are expecting to hear the loudest voice or noise.
It’s a bit like Autism awareness. We are shown images of the child with challenging behaviour or the child that is like Rainman. What we aren’t shown is all the different children in between and on the other sides of the spectrum. Well… To be honest that’s probably not possible at any one time which is why there’s no Autism expert on this earth. No one here can know all there is to know about Autism so I feel it’s important for everyone to access lots of different things and listen to lots of different experiences just so everyone can have a broader picture and get that it’s a real individual thing so the child needs not to be categorised but responded to on face value.

I went off to work keeping my phone on silent and in my bag. This might not sound like a big thing but it’s massive. Lots of you will know exactly what I mean. My children are at home with dad and not at school so there’s no need to keep my phone on the table during meetings at work waiting for that call from a school that we dread daily because you know that your children are even more prone to accidents than most because of their motor skills or sense of danger or certain moods and behaviours may warrant a call from the school before particular action is taken. I won’t lie every day a lot of the time I’m on edge especially if I’m working far away from home and MrJK isn’t local either. So today I think I even noticed a sense of peace and calm in me because when my children are with MrJK all is good!
Despite Nae-Nae kicking off now and again the three of them crack on well without me and likewise me with them. MrJK can go travelling the globe once or twice a year for his respite and I get to do the same for mine and whoever the kids are left with they are cool with. I’m totally grateful for that cos I know dudes like MrJK that love, protect, cook, clean, work hard, entertain etc don’t come along everyday so I give thanks and praise for that. When I think to myself the kids need new nightwear or underwear or the school uniform needs to be bought, I go to the cupboards and it’s there. Ok now i’m showing off lol. But seriously warts and all we make a great team.
I had a productive but busy day at work and then came home to Nae-Nae asking JJ to set the timer cos I’m home and she can start her SATs practice paper and I will know she did what she could do in the time. Lol! Do I come across like I doubt that? Am I a control freak? I dunno. Anyway she sat there for 40 minutes did what she could do and then marked it herself with the answer booklet and a different coloured pencil so she couldn’t cheat. I went to run my bath while she was doing that and when she had finished she came looking for me. She showed me the paper and said “I’ve done pretty well, I didn’t reach the pass mark this time but I have improved and scored more than I did in school on these English papers.”
Huh?! I nearly fell into the bath in shock! When did she become so mature and relaxed about not passing first time and acknowledging she had done ok and improved??? There was no stress, no anxiety, nothing and even in practice tests in the past she would be freaking out. She also grasped the concept that she doesn’t have to waste time remaining on one question until she had figured out the answer. She would never move onto the next question and attempt it without completing the last one even if she was struggling on it. However, there were a few she missed and intended to go back to but she ran out of time and she was fine with that. Trust me this is ground breaking! Nae-Nae was the child that can not make mistakes in learning otherwise it causes high levels of distress and anxiety. She felt that perfection is the only way. JJ was the same and it’s funny but I shared this with a teacher the other day about how both of them are different but there has been similar patterns. They both really started connecting with the ‘rules’ of academic subjects at age 10/11 just before SATs exams. I haven’t got to the bottom as to why that is yet but I’m sure I’ll find out one day.
This gave me chills and I wouldn’t love her any less if she didn’t get here but I know the potential in her and have had visions of her future and she has told me many times about all the things she is going to become so I’m confident she will access what she needs to for her purpose. I didn’t even realise she knew anything about A levels but in a piece of writing she wrote about her ambitions in life she was very specific about hoping to obtain excellent A level results. I read that and thought huh?! The message I’m trying to make is ‘assume nothing’ with those on the spectrum. When you think you have grasped the individual, trust me you haven’t! Tomorrow what they didn’t used to do they will do and what they used to do they might not do that tomorrow either. It’s mysterious but at the same time pretty amazing. Well I think so..!

Peace and love

MrsJK