Ready or not… A day in the life parenting Autism while climbing my mountains

Sometimes we have concerns about our kids doing certain things or going to certain places because we feel they might not cope with it or be ready, when actually they are more than ready. You know that thought you have when a new term starts and you aren’t sure if they are ready or will cope with SATs exams, going on a residential trip without you for 5 days, going abroad without you, starting big school whether primary or secondary or just doing some things they haven’t been able or wanted to do before.

We teach our kids that All things are possible yet at times we still have concerns about somethings which I know is normal so I won’t beat myself up about it too much.
My children just love to surprise me over and over again I think. Nae-Nae came home one day and told me about head girl and house captain positions at her school and having to put in an application and giving a speech. Admittedly I thought oh boy what if she applies and doesn’t get it how will she feel? Will it be meltdown city and I will have to come to the rescue because right about now I’m tired.  I know it’s a bit negative really. She was expressing the desire for a leadership role and do you know what I actually believed she would be great in a role of leadership. JJ impressed me telling me he was selected as form rep. My kids are tryers, no limit kids so I shouldn’t be surprised.
We discussed what the head girl team does. By the end of that conversation she herself said actually that’s boring lol. The house captain sounded more appealing to her but then she thought about her dislike for being competitive.  I wasn’t talking her out of the roles or anything just wanted her to consider the role and know what she will be putting in the application.
Then she told me all the things she was good at and she asked why isn’t there a role that has all of those things? She described a caring policing role, one that looks after people on the playground and helps to keep them safe, one is responsible for others that ensure everyone has a friend play with, one who makes sure children do not put themselves at risk, one that helps people when they have hurt themselves and can report it to the teachers to get medical help. I just smiled when she went through the list. She actually blew me away because that is her to the letter. She really knows her strengths. I asked her if there was a role like that she said a similar position but there’s not a leader role to make sure it’s done right.  Then she said “mummy you need to tell the school they need a role like that then I will apply.”
I laughed my head off! She is her mother’s daughter even though she looks like her dad. If there isn’t something in place we need to suggest it or create it. I’m always up for a challenge like that. My motto is if there isn’t something in place what’s the point of grumbling about it? Do something about it and if no one else is going to create it, create it yourself so you and others can benefit. Worked for me in life so far.

I love the way Nae-Nae assigned that job to me to go be the messenger when it was her idea. She’s definitely a leader with great delegations skills. I flipped it back on her a bit and told her that I will enquire but she can have a word too and she did lol. And guess what? A new leadership role has been created with this in mind for children in her year to apply so she put in her application. To me, it doesn’t even matter if she isn’t successful in getting the role. The whole point that she saw a gap, suggested the change and it was implemented, is the success. There was us parents being slightly concerned about the transition into her last year at primary school and she was thinking about leadership roles. Love her! She also told me she is really looking forward to going away camping for five days without us. I’m like what???? I’m not ready for her to go but I have no choice by the sounds of it.
Secondary school open days started. We have all have our eye on one school but I decided to visit others so I know what other options there are in case God has another plan. I did really want Nae-Nae to come with me to view them but when she said nah to the first one I thought ok she’s not ready. I imagined the crowds of people and the anxiety for her and thought yeah better not apart from the one we actually want to go to then I will prepare her intensively for it and go alone to the rest.
We were eating dinner on the day of the first one and something just said to me ask her. I was expecting a no but I still asked her if she wanted to come with me. To my surprise she said “Yes please.” I had to ask again to check if she was sure. I told her it will be busy and I can’t guarantee we’ll be one of the first ones there and I told her all the things that might happen which she may not like. She still looked at me and said “yes please.” I then realised gosh this is my issue not hers. I panicked that she wouldn’t cope as I hadn’t prepared her for this enough so there might be meltdowns and actually she was fine.
We got there and went to the additional needs department first and she was made a fuss over and then she said she wanted to go and sit in the Head Teachers speech. I was like “What?” Sit in a speech with a massive crowd of people, like she actually wanted to do that? I don’t know why I was shocked but I just was. I was obviously still in yesterday with her when she’s in tomorrow with herself.
We didn’t get in to the speech and she didn’t make a fuss nothing. I asked her if she wanted a tour instead she said “yes please.” Even though this was out of what she had just planned in her head she was flexible. Someone came up to us to say we can go to the speech actually but she looked at me and said “It’s ok we’re go on the tour.” In my head I just laughed out loud.
The first place we went to was drama and she burst through the doors and they were doing an activity with the guests. Nae-Nae just jumped in and joined them. She was in her element. She is born for the stage. Her light switched on. For the rest of the tour she pranced around like the place like she owed the building, confidently finding her way through crowds to see what she wanted to see.
We went to the cookery room and there’s were samples of food someone had made for all to taste. She looked at me and I thought in my head “Babes I won’t be able to find out the expiry dates so don’t ask and if the fact that people are all touching it bothers you, don’t taste it.” She smiled at me and just picked one up and ate it. I just shook my head with laughter. She read my mind and must have thought “I’ll show her I can do this.”
We had a fantastic time and I had to tell her I’d had enough so let’s go home. This doesn’t usually happen, like ever where I’ve said lets go home unless she’s at her Aunty’s house playing. However when I say all things are possible, did I have my own limits to that? Probably but I know where that comes from, stuff in my own childhood so actually I’ve done pretty well to get this far.
I think it was a week of tests. JJ was given a letter about a trip to do water sports and climb a high wall. He doesn’t do water cos he doesn’t swim and he doesn’t do heights. So I just assumed he wasn’t wanting to go but then he said to me “Yes please.” I didn’t think I was hearing correctly and I explained what he would be doing and he said its ok I’ll try. I was like “What? I’ve always wanted to do this with him and the look I’ve got was like heck but now your friends are going you are like yeah.” He didn’t even want me to hang around and watch either. Gutted for me but proud of him.
We never make our kids do what really causing them lots of anxiety without preparing them a lot and encouraging them they can conquer.  However, what I was also reminded of this week was not to put my anxieties on them because of the fear that they won’t cope cos they don’t seem ready when actually they are more than ready to face it. I do know my strength to face challenges is lower than it usually is due to the things that are currently happening in our lives with a tragedy involving a dear one but in all things God is still in control. I don’t have to be for successes to still happen!

Peace and love