Believe and show them, they will believe – A day in the life parenting Autism while climbing my mountains

I’m a firm believer in all things are possible and I try to show that to my children in all that I do. Yes things may be hard sometimes but if we never try something we won’t know if we are able to conquer it or not or whether we will like it or not. Living with my beauts there’s always new things to try or revisit and we celebrate every success even the smallest of things.
This might sound yucky but Nae-Nae calls one of us (either MrJK or I) after she has been to the toilet when we are at home so we can celebrate this event. If she does it at school she will come home excitedly to give us that information so we can still celebrate. But seriously Nae-Nae didn’t grasp toilet training until she was nearly 5 years old and until a few months ago Nae-Nae did not open her bowels for days on end and never outside of our four walls. I think she didn’t like the feel of removing body waste so it would be stored up in her body for days until there was no choice. Nae-Nae is one to eat lots of fruit and veg so her diet wasn’t an issue it was more to do with the messages that were being sent to the brain. She was somehow controlling it being stored. I know its fascinating but also a bit ‘oh gosh!’
After an explosion a few months ago (I will spare you all the details) and after long talk with her afterwards, Nae-Nae now understands the importance of opening her bowels often. She now makes every effort to do that instead of the former arrangement with her body. It’s like a light bulb switched on. We now celebrate with her the success of overcoming this. We tell her everyday we believe she can do it and she does it with a smile on her face and is so pleased with herself after the release. Whatever the anxiety was around this event previously has now disappeared because we all believed.
I had a late night on Friday. I went out and didn’t get home until 2am. Trust me that was massive for me. I never stay up until 2am without having sleep. I’m usually in bed by 9pm as I know I will be up throughout the night so I give myself a head start. Anyway, I had to be awake until 2am as I was stuck on the road full of diversions and sadly lots of accidents due to the torrential rain we had. Therefore, Saturday wasn’t happening for me. The only thing I wanted to do was remain in bed. MrJK left home at the crack of dawn so I had to be semi awake at the very least for the children’s demands.
Breakfast requests were fine, I could manage to pour out cereal and milk. Our usual cooked Saturday breakfast was not happening!  Cereal it was! Thankfully the children managed this change ok. I think it was because it was school holidays, all routines have gone to pot. All was going well until Nae-Nae requested skittles with her lunch. The skittles were finished. Oh heck!!! I was too tired to have a full blown argument with that girl about not having it and her wanting me to go shop and not getting passed it as she had fixed her mind on it so she couldn’t change it. For me to go to the shop meant Nae-Nae and JJ had to come with me as the ‘home alone’ thing doesn’t work around here. Besides I struggled to get downstairs let alone walk down the road or drive across town. So I had an idea..!
“JJ will you go to the corner shop for mummy please?” I pleaded. This might seem like a ‘normal’ request for a 13 year old boy as the shop is a couple of yards from our house and there is only one side road to cross so he wouldn’t have to cross a busy road. He looked at me like I had gone insane. Trust me tiredness opens all sorts of doors.
He had done this walk before but the thought of going into the shop alone, picking an item and possibly talking to the shop assistant didn’t sit comfortably with him. I saw the anxiety on his face but I knew he could do it but I just needed to show him I believed. Besides it was either that or hear the high pitch cry of Nae-Nae when I tell her no not today. On any other day I would have endured that, but on this day no thanks.
I had to prep JJ for all the possible eventualities on the way to the shops and once he was in there what he might encounter and how to deal with. The worse thing to say to him is “blah, blah (a child’s name) goes to the shops” especially if that person is younger. That is enough to crush him completely.  I told him it would be fine as I believed in him. I reminded him of all the things he thought were scary previously but once he conquered them they aren’t scary anymore. I knew the only anxiety for him in this situation were strangers/people talking to him and him not knowing how to respond or whether he should respond. The journey to the shop was not the problem. I told him that I’m at the end of the mobile if he had any questions. Thank God for mobile phones in these instances. I gave him a big encouragement hug and off he went. I watched him from the window as far as I could see him. I was equally nervous for him but not at any time did I let him detect that.

After a few minutes he came through the door with a smiled and told me it was fine. He was so pleased with himself and I was too so I made a big thing of it cracking open the bubbly, well the bottle of sprite. We went all out. It might sound silly but really it’s a big big deal. Nae-Nae was happy to have her sweets also which meant a result all round.
We celebrate the little things in life as they are big to us. JJ now feels confident to go to the shop more often just because I gave him the green go sign and showed that I believed so in turn he believed. If I crumbled we would just crumble together and that’s no good to anyone.

It’s a tough one but we find that it’s important to live by example as our children watch what we do and usually behave likewise. Now they are older they are selecting the bits to follow and the bits to reject, thank God. Clones of me and MrJK… No thanks. One of each of us on this planet is more than sufficient so I’m glad the kids have their own individuality too.
Thinking about living by example and not compromising on what we believe and demonstrating those beliefs, I’ve got a lovely story. A young lad joined a group I run with others. During a group we played background music while doing a task. The children hear whatever is on that iPod for the day. On this occasion some gospel music was playing and this young lad said he hated the music and didn’t believe in God. We said that was fine but we do and the music is staying on. Months passed he continued to attend and he joined in more each time when at first he didn’t really want to. One day out of the blue he gave me some beautiful compliments. I was really touched by his comments. We showed him he was valued and took on board some of his ideas. This brought about a real transformation. He could see we believed in him so he also believed. One day another child said “Jeeeeezzzz” this young lad said to the other “don’t say the Lord’s name in vain.” I was drinking at the time and I tried not to choke on my drink. I didn’t want him to see that I was shocked by this comment especially because saying Jesus out of context was something he used to do and JJ previously told him not to. This time the young lad was pulling up another child who didn’t even say Jesus. The young lad just smiled at me and said its ok I go to church now like you guys so I don’t want to hear that name not used properly. He also said that we had showed him a good way to be and he feels being around us has helped him be a better person and believe he can do things because we listen to his ideas. I just thought aww wow. I wanted to hug him and give him a big kiss but don’t worry I didn’t. I just showed my love and appreciation for his kind words in other ways.
But that’s it, showing children and young people something different than the bad news stories in the media is vital but if we are always negative, those around us will take on board our negative vibe. For my children, no thanks. This isn’t an option! They build up enough anxiety in their brains from the moment they wake up until they go to sleep, they don’t need us as parents adding to it. Instead they need us to help them release it. If we show them all things are possible if we believe, only then will they believe all things are possible too! They will then live and breathe that. My two are currently taking that to another level!

Lets show them we believe in them and celebrate even the smallest step and throw a big party for the leaps.
Peace out!