Lacking emotion or emotionally focused? A day in the life parenting Autism while climbing my mountain

When I hear the myth that says children on the spectrum aren’t in tune with their own emotions or other people’s emotions I smile… That couldn’t be further from the truth for my children. The beauty of the spectrum is that its so wide, no two children are the same. Some might have difficulties or do they? Do we just perceive that to be the case?

Last day of term was upon us. It always seems to be a tear jerker for lots of people but not everyone. Children moving from nursery to primary school, primary school children moving to secondary school, teaching staff and assistants leaving, children being away from their friends for 6 whole weeks etc etc.
JJ and Nae-Nae encouraged me to go all out when it came to buying end of term gifts, not that I need much encouragement. I love to shop for gifts and I always put a lot of thought into it. It’s a good time to show appreciation. My children totally get that and encourage us to give our best.
It was Ms Berry’s last day at that school too so I made sure I was able to meet Nae-Nae from school to say my goodbyes and thank you to her. She has been a blessing to us. Strangely enough Nae-Nae wasn’t disturbed by the fact that she was leaving and not going to be around. At first I thought that’s weird because I know she definitely loves her dearly but then I was reminded that
Nae-Nae is very emotionally focused. What do I mean by that? Well… I arrive at school and there’s lots of tears flowing. Not from Nae-Nae not a single drop. She went up to Ms Berry looked at her tears and hugged her and said “What is your new career?” Ms Berry told her, she then said as she walked off “ok remember that.” In a matter of fact voice. I don’t even know if Ms Berry heard it or understood what she was saying but my mouth was wide open. I couldn’t believe she just said that in a ‘matter of fact’ way. Basically Nae-Nae was giving her a word of encouragement. She got Ms Berry to verbalise her next steps not because Nae-Nae wanted a reminder, no that girl never forgets anything. What she was doing was telling Ms Berry to speak it out loud and proud and be encouraged that she is going onto a lovely new journey so there’s no need to cry for the former things. She does that with me all the time so I instantly grasped what she meant.
Nae-Nae has a deep insight into life more than we would ever imagine sometimes. Some of the things that come out of her mouth are so profound and wise beyond her years.
She looked at all her friends crying and hugging each other and she gave them a look of despair and reminded them “I’ll see you all in September.” I just laughed to myself. Some people would take this as lacking emotion whereas I completely got this. As they aren’t leaving to go to secondary school yet she didn’t see the need for tears. She will see them around town and at school in 6 weeks time. I do however also get the emotions of her friends but from where she is standing it’s not necessary.
JJ bounced out of school in the same way. I suppose as he’s a teenager it’s less acceptable to be crying at the end of term if you are returning but if you are leaving it’s a whole different story.
Both children are so in tune with their own emotions and mine especially. They cry when they know they have upset me, they are so apologetic when they realise their behaviour has had a negative effect on someone else like what happened at sports day. At the time Nae-Nae wasn’t in control of her behaviour but on reflection she wasn’t happy about the way she behaved or the hurt she may have caused.
JJ used to cry a lot and we never used to understand but now he is older he is able to articulate the reason for his tears all those years ago. It makes so much sense and there we were (teachers too) wondering why he was always crying and he needs to stop. When I think about it now I feel so bad for him.
We have lots of hugs and kisses at home. My children show us so much love and compassion.

I drove passed my childhood home at the weekend and I haven’t done that in the last 7 years plus. I have driven around that area many times but not actually driven passed the house. I don’t think I wanted to in all honesty. I didn’t plan to that day either but we were going to the next street so it couldn’t be avoided. I pointed to the house to show JJ as he was with me and he smiled and said “lots of good memories mum.” Then he gasped and paused and reached for my hand and said “oh mum that’s the HOUSE.” He knows my story so he instantly remembered that I may have mixed feelings about the house and wanted to comfort me.

I was completely touched by the gesture because not everyone would get that and tune into that but he was able to on a deep level and be mature enough to want to support me. He’s 13 years old! I squeezed his hand back and reassured him that actually I was ok.

Nae-Nae woke up this morning and remembered what day it was. It was my mum’s birthday. She passed on 14 years ago at age 50 so we celebrate her 65 birthday now.
Nae-Nae just ran and gave me the biggest hug ever, stroked my face and reminded me that I will see Nanny in heaven one day. I didn’t say a word to induce any of that but it was clear she connected with the emotions of the day. At the same time she didn’t get lost in it as she is focused on meeting Nanny one day so no need for tears. My encourager. It did make me even more joyous. Theses kids’ wisdom and insight is just mind blowing at times nothing about emotional lack.

I see this as incredible strength rather than lacking in emotions. They seem to show emotions in all the right places in my view. They laugh when they are happy, cry when there is sadness. Care for those that are in need, show compassion to those that require it. As they know who they are and have an insight to a great future I think their emotions are well placed.
They do often say things that other people are thinking but wouldn’t dare to say. Tact isn’t a strong point with them, they just say it how they see it. It could be viewed as extremely insensitive but that down to interpretation. It’s just the uncontrollable rage that’s undesirable thing for me but again to them the reason for the rage is necessary and real even if it doesn’t affect us in the same way.

So yeah all fun and games around here but lots and lots of love.

Be at peace and enjoy!

MrsJK