Worry about the future? A day in the life – Parenting Autism while climbing my mountain

Do you ever worry about the future? What will my life be like? What will my children be like? Will we be ok? Yeah the usual kind of stuff. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t worry about anything but this week I was reminded that worries take care of themselves and everything has a plan and the pieces of the puzzle will be found and slot into place at the appointed time.
Growing up I think I worried about everything. I didn’t have much confidence and I had very low self esteem and my worries were genuine to me a lot of the time. A lot of that stemmed from being abused. Fear of survival was heavily on my mind. Fear of people finding out and me being the one in trouble and have my life turned upside down. Fear of being a disappointment everything. I was young I didn’t know any better.
From then on nothing really came to me very easily so I worried continuously about most stages of my life. When my mum passed away I think that was a big worry blow. How would I cope with life itself without her here on earth? But do you know what by the grace of God I managed and I’m not just coping but doing just fine.
But you can imagine when I was blessed with two children with additional needs it was hard not to worry about their future. I’m great at telling everyone else hand it over, cast your cares up but I still worry myself. It’s not that I don’t believe it won’t be sorted, it was more a habit I think but…
This time two years ago JJ was in his last year of primary school. I had a memory picture from Facebook pop up this week taken of him in his uniform on transition day. I looked at it and could have cried. I worried that he would be bullied. I worried he wouldn’t have any friends as he was the only child from his primary school that got in originally until we heard his  friend got in on appeal.
I worried whether he would be able to get to the different classes across the building, whether he will manage school dinners as he had packed lunch all through primary school. Everything one could possibly worry about and more I was there.
What was key during that process was preparation. Visits to the school numerous times before starting was essential. In our own time we drove to the building so he could familiarise himself with the routes to get there. At the time I didn’t know that area very well either so it was good for me too. The school arranged several transition days not just one or two. There were a series of visit days during school time so he could be aware of what it’s like to attend there.
He’s been there two years now and it’s amazing how everything I worried about has not been a concern. JJ settled in amazingly well and he is having the best educational journey I could ever imagine him to have. He is extremely popular and currently class rep. He has lots of amazing friends and not that I like this bit but he’s also incredibly popular with the young ladies.
I would have never have guessed his present to be this way. This is a child who had limited speech until he was 6-7 years old. When I say limited speech I mean a vocabulary of that of a toddler. He has come from being very shy, very emotional very quiet, not displaying the ability to access the national curriculum to a young man who is involved in public speaking, achieving mind-blowing grades some above average for his age, exceeding all his targets and possessing lots of entrepreneurial qualities as he helps us run our organisations.
I would have never predicted any of this and when you are in it, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it’s there. Your train maybe moving slowly or you are currently in the darkest place of the tunnel but before you know it, out you pop. God has been so good to us.

This week as the school term ends, my former worries kicked in again for Nae-Nae. After the fabulous display at sports day I began to wonder again what will become of her? How will she cope in the final year of primary school? How will it be possible for her to complete the SATs exams without a tremendous amount of support or will she even engage with the process at all? Will some of her babyish inappropriate ways continue? Yeah I drove myself mad with worry. However, that night I just watched her sleep for hours and I prayed. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and joy. Something said to me there’s a plan for her. That’s it you know! Everyone has a purpose and there’s a plan for their lives. It might not look like the next person’s but it’s still great and right for them. Some way somehow Nae-Nae will make it and fulfil her purpose. She just will cos really that’s her only option, to make it, whatever that looks like. But the beauty is, we as parents have been given the tools to help her in the journey and what we don’t know now, we will learn. I have to look at JJ and find comfort there. I cry tears of joy when I look at his journey so far and who he is today. It’s just overwhelming.
Morning came. I decided to turn my worries into worship. Music often helps me and I just felt a bit lighter and more settled. I just sang my own song to myself “All things are possible.”  I got in the car, off to drop JJ to school, turned on the radio to Radio 1 breakfast show and bang not in the place I would have expected but the first song’s lyrics were:  “don’t you worry, don’t you worry child. Heaven’s got a plan for you.” A big smile crept across my face. That song was played for me. I find I often receive messages to confirm things for me and in the most random, unlikely places too.

I carried on with my day at work where I usually don’t have much time to think about our lives as we’re busy supporting others with theirs. When I got home I was met by the school report. We have a great flow of communication with the school so I could predict what was written as the keep me updated regularly. It does kill the surprise factor sometimes but on this occasion I couldn’t prepare myself for what I read next –  Nae-Nae’s views and comments. I could have cried. Well actually I did in my heart.
My major worry about next year is about the SATs exams and this was the very thing Nae-Nae commented on. Not in a fearful way but out of everything she could have thought of, this is the thing she said she’s most looking forward to because she is going to challenge herself!

I read her comments over and over again until the page was written on my forehead.  It took me back to last week and sports day. Something in her isn’t settling for the status quo, something in her tells her she can do more and she will. We don’t ever put pressure on our children but it seems they know what they are capable of but they may just need to push harder. There was a big message there telling me don’t worry it’s already being taken care of. Nae-Nae is not planning on just getting through she’s planning on conquering that. So instead of my thinking ‘woe is me’ ‘poor us’ ‘why can’t things in our life be easy?’ I need to be as excited about the war we are going to win and find out what weapons Nae-Nae needs and give it to her, just like we did with JJ.
That is one thing we have found in our journey with Autism. It’s not always that our kids can’t do things but they sometimes need extra ‘programming’ or training to get there. Also just cos things have been done in a certain way for decades and us ‘mere mortals’ have accepted things they way they are or have been done doesn’t mean those ways are right or make any sense.
Ultimately I am at peace knowing that as the song says “Heaven’s got a plan” for us all, even if the road to get there is different to the next person.
As parents we might not all have child geniuses sitting on our sofa but we have an individual who is destined for something. Even if we are currently watching a horror movie, that movie will finish and there will be credits that run across the screen and then it will all stop.
Worry is overrated, not helpful, not necessary, in fact it’s pointless. Whatever will be will be.
Be happy with peace and joy and I know I’m going to try and let the worries take care of themselves.